When we undertake a trip, involving or not a move, we should know the return date. Return? What does it mean exactly? Coming to the point where I was before? Because if this is so, I will not return. I embarked on this adventure because something did not work. Or because I wanted to experience or improve any area of my life. And no, I wish not to return to the starting point.
Or maybe, in a “trip” like mine, it implies a geographical shift, returning is coming back at home? At home, not to the starting point.
And, to complicate the meaning of words, what does “go home” mean? I suppose the answer immediately, for me, would be to return to my parent’s. I have not lived there for fifteen years. And it is not because of the house, but for them, so what does it involve for me: safety, security and warmth. Is that what we understand by home? Refuge? Defense and heat for our soul?
I have no a couple or children and my family are my parents. If you live with your partner and your children and you have a good relationship with your parents, tell me, what is for you to be at home? I don’t think you can replace one home for another one. I understand that both of them are there together. Is that right, so?
When my parents will come to visit, despite being out of my country, will I feel at home? And do I do when I talk to them? And when, even without talking to them, but I know they are here? Do I feel at home? Well, I think so.
Perhaps, it’s because I had a healthy childhood and a good base was built up for me? Some insurance basics, warm support, and the knowledge that everything will go well and that I am protected.
Parents, childhood home, the warm feeling of protection … I’m not sure that my today father and mother are the reason for that feeling of belonging to the household. Rather I think it is somewhere that I “am” now and if it was created by what they were once. Do you feel the same?
Moreover, we often need to identify our home with a physical space. Here we call it Spain. And we have a double sense: on the one hand, “we are from there” and another, “we are from the world” and both feelings coexist in harmony. At least, they should. I know people who live far from their home country and they yearn to return. But at the same time, when they go home they feel sadly separated from their host site. To our emotional health we have to accept that our house is in two (or more) places.
Why do we use to talk about Spain? For two reasons, I think. Our personal and cultural history. On one hand, we have grown there. Our life has evolved into a place, with customs, some friends, some spaces and countless experiences that occurred in our country (in our city, if we refine more).
And moreover, we drink from a culture inherited from our parents. My mother was born in France and has always been Spanish. Undoubtedly. My uncles and my mother lived her childhood in France, but they were in a Spanish home. They had inherited the awareness of belonging to a place that was far from the house where they lived.
Finally, and leaving nothing clear, then I have just chatted and nothing I’ve concluded, I want to dedicate this post to all the people who did not grow up in a loving home and they did not feel in his childhood the safety and security that everyone should have in childhood.
Good news is that human beings have a capacity to recover all, resilience. It’s not me who says that. It’s the psychologists and psychiatrists who wrote the books I’ve read on this subject.
There are children who do not get enough love in the younger age. Some, who grew up in a concentration camp and some abused. And this is very hard and complicated, it may leave aftermaths for the rest of their lives. Security issues, self-esteem, lack of capacity to receive and give the love that they did not live at the time. And also can recover! Accept that this was the case and that they can create a home within itself. They can rescue the child who they were and invite him/her to this new home.
In recent years I have seen two people very close to me have built their own home. They didn’t have all the love in childhood that builds a warm house where you always want to return. And they have managed to produce it. Growing. Loving and loving themselves.